Speaking Uncomfortable Truths Sets You Free | Insights from Dr Lalith Wijedoru

In this conversation, Dr. Lalith Wijedoru talks about discovering his superpower by speaking his uncomfortable truths through storytelling, which allowed him to unlock his potential and possibilities for creating space for others to share their stories. 

And while speaking one’s uncomfortable truths has its perils, Lalith makes meaningful impact in the organizations and communities he’s involved with, because that is how others heal, grow, and deepen relationships, it’s also how he continues to grow and create deeper social connections.

Lalith discovered his superpower by speaking his own uncomfortable truths, so he’s very aware of what is required and what may happen when one shares their uncomfortable truths.

In the conversation, Lalith goes on to share…
➡️ What it takes to tell an uncomfortable truth
➡️ What resistance to expect when telling an uncomfortable truth
➡️ Why the rewards of telling your comfortable truth are better than staying silent

Lalith’s first career was as Dr. Wijedoru, an emergency department pediatric doctor, because he wanted to provide the care and safeguarding of children that he did not receive as a child.

Now he’s in his second career as a well-being consultant, a storyteller, and founder of Behind Your Mask, an organization that creates the spaces and skills for speaking uncomfortable truths through storytelling.

In this episode, Lalith answers the following questions:
➡️ What are uncomfortable truths?
➡️ How to tell someone an uncomfortable truth?
➡️ How to speak your truth?
➡️ How to tell stories about your past?

My favorite quote from the episode: “Truth can disrupt and truth can destroy, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

When not telling an uncomfortable truth protects something that causes and prolongs harm, it’s not worth protecting. In many relationships and families there are unspoken truths where we’ve been told it’s safer not tell the truth. In terms of actual healing, that’s bullshit. It only amplifies and prolongs the hurt.

If you are in need of talking to someone, there are organizations available to help.
ℹ️ In the US, for Mental Health Crises And Suicide Prevention: Dial 9-8-8

ℹ️ In the UK, for Mental Health Crises And Suicide Prevention: Dial 1-1-1

🌈 If you are an LGBTQ+ young person in need of support, you can reach out to The Trevor Project crisis counselors, available 24/7,
💜 https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/
🧡 Text “START” to 678-678
💛 Call at 1-866-488-7386

ℹ️ To find a therapist or counseling, you can try BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com/

Resources mentioned in the episode:
-  Lalith’s Company, Behind Your Mask
- Lalith’s LinkedIn

Music in this episode by Ian Kastner.

"What Do You Know To Be True?" is a series of conversations where I speak with interesting people about their special talent or superhero power and the meaningful impact it has on others. The intention is to learn more about their experience with their superhero power, so that we can learn something about the special talent in each of us which allows us to connect more deeply with our purpose and achieve our potential. 

For more info about the podcast or to check out more episodes, go to: https://www.youtube.com/@WDYKTBT?sub_confirmation=1 

"What Do You Know To Be True?" is hosted by Roger Kastner, is a production of Three Blue Pens, and is recorded on the ancestral lands of the Duwamish and Suquamish people. To discover the ancestral lands of the indigenous people whose land you may be on, go to: https://native-land.ca/

Keywords
#Discover Your Superpower #Unlock Your Potential #Make Meaningful Impact

Transcript

Transcripts - Speaking Uncomfortable Truths Sets You Free | Dr Lalith Wijedoru 

Keywords
#DiscoverYourSuperpower #UnlockYourPotential #UnlockYourPossibilities #MakeMeaningfulImpact

Lalith

Truth is very, very important in our lives and is often underrated. I think that so many of us spend a lot of energy concealing truths. I strongly believe that if we remove that burden, if we dare I say remove our personal or professional masks and speak our truth, no matter how uncomfortable, it will be amazing how liberated we may feel.

 Roger

In this conversation, well-being consultant and storyteller Dr. Lalith Wijedoru shares his experience with his superpower of creating space for others to speak their uncomfortable truths through storytelling. He discovered his superpower by speaking his own uncomfortable truths, so he's very aware of what is required and what may happen when one shares their uncomfortable truths.

 Lalith

It takes a certain type of character and a courage to empower, not only speak your own truth, but also to hold spaces where others can share theirs and also empower people to share theirs. So when you talk about superpower, you know, it takes bravery and courage to do this. I have had somebody say to a storyteller, I don't believe that happened, not in this place where I work, I don't believe it.

 Roger

And while speaking one's uncomfortable truths may have its perils, Lalith makes meaningful impact in the organizations and communities he's involved with because that is how others heal, grow, and deepen relationships. It's also how he continues to grow and create deeper social connections. Hi, I'm Roger Kastner and welcome to the What Do You Know To Be True podcast.

 The invitation in these conversations is to become inspired from our guests and their experience of their superpowers. So we'll go discover more about ourselves and our special talents so that we can live more into our possibilities. If you're ready, let's dive in.

 Hey Lalith, thank you for joining me today. I'm excited to be here with you. Thank you, Roger.

 Pleasure to be invited. I love all of these conversations. I am willing to bet that you and I are about to have an epic one.

 I'm eager to learn more about your superpower of being unashamed in creating space for people to speak their truth. But before we jump into that, what else is important for us to know about you?

Lalith

My background is I was a doctor. I was a pediatric doctor. I worked in the UK's National Health Service for nearly 20 years.

My specialty was pediatrics, which is looking after children. And within looking after children, I was a specialist in emergency medicine. And for those who are probably of my generation that remembers the US TV series ER featuring a handsome George Clooney, I am the George Clooney, the ER doctor with an interest in pediatrics, except he's better looking.

But apart from that, that's who I am. Working in health care, you can appreciate that there are many social and emotional impacts on the work that we do looking after children, particularly in the emergency room at the extremes of life, times of great joy, times of great sadness, and of course, the working environment, a time of great stress. And so I was very conscious, the older I got, the more senior I became when I felt very passionate about the quality of the performance of my team, that actually, how do we create spaces where staff can share the social and emotional impact of their work?

As we emerged from the pandemic, of course, I was using storytelling to support staff well-being at this time. I thought it was very important that I extend this to all work sectors, not just those in health care. And with a particular interest in those who work with children, I set up a company called Behind Your Mask.

And it is a storytelling consultancy where I help people and organizations set up spaces where people can share the social and emotional impact of their work. The first client that I had outside of health care was education, because teachers look after children. The second lot of clients that I had was a law firm which specialized in family law, those who are looking after child abuse cases.

And so, yes, this emphasis of supporting staff who work in high-pressure environments, particularly around looking after children, that's where I started to cut my teeth. But now I work with all sorts of organizations, including tech and travel and performing arts and anyone and everything.

Roger

I'm so excited to dig into so many aspects of what you just shared. I tend to think of us as, sure, we're adults, but I think we're wearing adult costumes and we're just children inside. So the things that we learned that impacted us as children, the wiring that we got, I think the psychology bears this out, that's still the operating system we're using as adults until we examine, discover, and then maybe choose a different wiring.

So there's so many paths for us to go down here. First, let's start with your superpower. What does your superpower of being unashamed in creating space for people to speak their truth mean for you?

Lalith

Truth is very, very important in our lives and is often underrated. I am not from a Judeo-Christian background, but there is a Judeo-Christian quote related to Christianity, which is, the truth shall set you free. I think that so many of us spend a lot of energy concealing truths, truths about ourselves, truths about our relationships, and truths about our work.

And so I strongly believe that if we remove that burden, if we, I dare I say, remove our personal or professional masks and speak our truths, no matter how uncomfortable, it will be amazing how liberated we may feel. And so I go back to this, the truth shall set you free. And it takes, it takes a certain type of character and a courage to empower, not only speak your own truth, but also to hold spaces where others can share theirs and also empower people to share theirs.

Thought leader Brene Brown talks a lot about the importance of vulnerability in our life. And I think that many people think that sharing their truth is an act of bravery. And indeed it is.

And so, but by sharing your truth, you are demonstrating your vulnerability. And so there is this, often this conflict that people think that being vulnerable is being a weakness. And Brene Brown talks extensively about this.

And, but, you know, being vulnerable is a strength because it takes courage to share your truth and to speak your truth and to be honest and to face that. I'm a man of words. And Brene Brown talks about this as well, about the origin of the word heart, you know, in Italian it's core, in Spanish it's corazon, in French it's coeur.

And so if you think about the etymology of the word courage, it's from those words for heart. And so you think about bravery and having heart to show your vulnerability, you know, these are all very much interlinked. And so when you talk about superpower, you know, it takes bravery and courage to do this.

And so I take it upon myself as my second half of my career to not only lead by example, by sharing my own truths, but also to empower others to do so and to create the spaces where those stories can be shared.

Roger

What do you do when you experience that part of once you discover a truth and you want to tell it, but there's that momentary pause that's telling you not to be brave, not to be vulnerable?

Lalith

I think it's important to think about the relationship that we have with ourself first. And so admitting a truth to oneself first, I think, is the hardest step. I think there are times when I used to speak my truths out loud in front of the mirror, and that was hard enough.

But the more I did it, the more comfortable I became with admitting that truth to myself. So I would say, admit it to yourself and start with that first. I'm an advocate of social health, and social health means the quality of our relationships.

And so I always believe that we are never an island. No person is an island. We need to have a network of people to support us.

And so then choose your inner network, choose your board of directors of life, whoever you may be, and entrust them with your truth. And then you might get some feedback, you might get some support, you might get reactions that perhaps you were worried that you may feel. Actually, that's probably one of the barriers that we face when we want to share our truth.

We worry about the judgment. We worry about the perception. Because if we think about our perception of self, part of our perception of who we think we are is based on what we think others think of us.

And so when we share a truth and people make a judgment, that will inadvertently affect how we perceive ourselves. And so start with the people that you trust in revealing yourself, and then work your way forward to extending the ripples into wider aspects of your network. But start with yourself.

Roger

So in several of previous conversations that I've had, guests have talked about the power of storytelling to connect emotionally, to align on values, and to change hearts and minds on some of the world's most challenging issues. How do you use storytelling?

Lalith

In so many ways. I describe myself as a chocolate salesman, but storytelling is my chocolate. And whether you like chocolate in fudge, sprinkle, cake, ice cream, or drink, you know, it's all stories, but you just use it in different ways.

There are four main aspects in how I use storytelling. Of course, in businesses. And I don't want to repeat what many of your other clients and guests have said, but, you know, storytelling, I believe that storytelling can be used at every stage of the employee life cycle.

From interviewing and recruiting, from supporting learning and development, when people leave an organization, even for reward and recognition. Every aspect of the employee life cycle, you can use stories. And I use them, every one of my corporate clients, I use storytelling in a different way.

The other ways that I do is to deal with individuals. And so this is going back to what we were talking about, understanding our own truths. And I have great, I take great pride in helping people reflect on their own life, small, short, true personal narratives, to make sense of what has happened, in order to understand their present, and perhaps make decisions for their future.

One of my strongest beliefs is that the best predictor of a good decision for you are your previous good decisions. And similarly, the best predictor of a bad decision are your previous bad decisions. Because one of my favorite quotes is, my life is right for me, but not right for you.

And your life is right for you, but not right for me. I can't advise you on what would be a good decision. But if you reflect through storytelling on previous good decisions, you'll start to notice patterns saying this trend of decision works well for Roger, whereas this one does not.

And oh, haven't we noticed that every time I make the same bad decision, and when you start reflecting on the story of why do I keep making that same pattern of decision making or behavior, then you start getting these light bulb moments. For individuals, that's what I love doing, is to look back to look to move forward. The other area that I use it is as a celebrant.

So, I'm a funeral celebrant, and I love capturing people's lives in different chapters, getting the voices of people who are in the deceased social network, and creating this tapestry of a story in about a 60 or 90 minute funeral to celebrate stories. And as a humanist, there's no religious ritual about it. It is very much focusing on the human, their legacy, their personality, their values, and their impact on others, and using that and celebrating it through the stories of their musical interests.

And that's very much what I do. And I really enjoy doing that as a celebrant. And then finally, of course, media.

So, I want to do podcasts like with you, Roger, but also in radio and TV and other podcasts, amplifying my own story about truth, but also amplifying the stories of others to talk about uncomfortable, delicate, sensitive, perhaps unsavory topics through the compelling and engaging power of stories.

Roger

What or who inspired you to have this superhero power?

Lalith

Brene Brown talks about adversity. That adversity is the birthplace of innovation and creativity. And I had some significant childhood adversity.

I had an emotionally and physically abusive father and a mother who wanted to conceal the abuse that was happening. And so this very much relates to my belief in the importance of truth. When you are an abused child, and that abuse is concealed, you have this hope as a child that someone, somewhere out there will speak the truth about what is happening to you.

Because as a child, you are not mature enough to advocate for yourself, particularly as a young child. And the older you get, you start again questioning your own sense of self-worth and the consequences of revealing truth. And so again, that's why so much abuse is not revealed in childhood.

It's often concealed later on in adult life. And so it was that denial of the abuse and that concealment of the truth that made me think, when I grow up, I want to be somebody who will advocate for children who are silently suffering. And so that was one of the strong motivations for why I became a pediatrician, but also one of the strong motivators why I became a pediatrician in emergency medicine.

Because there were a number of occasions when I presented to a healthcare facility growing up, when with very obvious signs and symptoms and behaviors, which were very much missed or perhaps recognized but not acted upon by the healthcare professionals. But the reason why I am so passionate about supporting those who look after children in other sectors, such as education, was because my school teachers and my school environment were much more on the ball. And so I am very, very grateful and want to give a big shout out to those who work in education, who have a strong responsibility in the safeguarding and protecting of children, in their responsibilities and in the response and recognizing children who may be silently suffering.

And so to kind of what drove me, in essence, is the silence of a child being abused. The silence is deafening, that nobody's speaking up for you. And so what drives my superpower, because of that adversity, is I want to get a megaphone, amplify the voices of children and parents and carers and teachers, whoever's looking after children, to say that the uncomfortable truth is abuse is happening.

And so I think that lays the foundation of why I do what I do and why I feel very strongly about this. And people often say those who have been, who've had a traumatizing early experience, often you think that you've become the adult that you wish that you had when you were a child. And so I would like to think that in the work that I've done in safeguarding and child protection, and now in the safe and the well-being of those who work in these challenging areas, is that I'm supporting and hopefully helping being that adult that my inner child would have wanted or would have needed.

Roger

Thank you for sharing that. And thank you for being the superhero that the younger Lalith needed, because I'm sure there's so many children who are benefiting from it.

Lalith

I've been doing some reflecting about, you know, where in my adolescent journey did this kind of need for the superpower start to come about? And of course, as somebody who was very interested in stories and languages and things, I was very good at English at school. And in high school, I did something called the International Baccalaureate, and I did a higher level English.

And one of the things that we had to do in English, the themes of the novels that we studied was about the family. And we had to write an essay for our exam, a piece of coursework, where you had to come up with a theory and a literary hypothesis in comparing two pieces of literature from different times or different cultures. And the two books that I chose, one was a Norwegian play by Henrik Ibsen called A Doll's House, and the second one was a Greek tragedy, Agamemnon by Aeschylus.

And my theory was this, which I found very fascinating, in that I identified two female characters. You have the female protagonists in each of them, but the characters I focused on were the secondary characters, and both of these characters were female. And so, my theory was the role of the secondary female characters in both of these books is to reveal truth.

And in revealing truth, they bring destruction to the family. And in Henrik Ibsen's book, play A Doll's House, that character is Mrs. Lind, who encourages the central character, Nora, to be honest about her relationship with her husband. And in Agamemnon, the Cassandra, who is a prisoner, a prophetess, came and revealed truth that the main character, Agamemnon, was going to be murdered by his wife, Clytemnestra.

And of course, when she reveals this truth, it is denied. The whole chorus, and they ostracize her because of the audacity of the nature of her truth. And so, it's very interesting that as a teenager, I picked up on those themes, because that is exactly what happened to me.

I and my family, I was the only one who spoke the truth. And people within the network denied and ostracized me. And the ones, when I forced others to face their truth, it was faced with a no, do not enter, you're crazy.

And so, there is this feeling of isolation when you are literally the black sheep, that the black sheep is the one who challenges, who disrupts, dare I say, the word disrupt, who disrupts the status quo, and may bring destruction and going back to the truth will set you free, but it might piss you off, bringing that in order to set yourself free and to liberate. And I think that destruction is not a bad thing. People think about, oh, we must preserve the sanctity, maintain the status quo.

If you're an entrepreneur, you are a disruptor. You've got to shake things up. You've got to mess things around.

You've got to be a bit unstable, because out of that, out of the chaos can come a clarity in a better way. And so, I want to kind of bring kudos to the word disrupt and destruct, and that truth can disrupt, truth can destruct, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. And I just wanted to kind of highlight, this happened to me when I was a teenager, and I don't think it's a coincidence that I was in my subconscious as an evolving adult.

Roger

I love that story, because it talks to, again, like you are able to help others speak their truth, because this is part of your journey of how you began to speak your own truth. And this is part of your own story of becoming that superhero for so many, because you're able to to process, and you made the courageous, brave choice to tell the truth. Yeah, maybe you were aware of the consequences, maybe you were aware of the disruption or the destruction, and yet you still chose it.

And so, your courage is on full display there in that story.

Lalith

So, one could argue, like going back to what I said earlier about being the example, being that something to inspire somebody, one could argue that Mrs. Lind and Cassandra, although fictional literary characters, were inspirational. And actually, that their example, and I wrote about it as a literary theory to say, it may be, it was a blueprint for me. I don't know, it's only in recent years that I've started to process this, like, wow, I wrote an essay at the age of 16 or 17 about this.

Roger

Yeah.

Lalith

To me, it sounds pretty profound. I'm quite amazed by it.

Roger

And that's lovely. You're exactly who you needed to be at that moment. So, what do you know to be true about being unashamed in creating spaces for people to speak their truth?

Lalith

Well, I think that you need to lead by example. Part of the reason why I share my stories about speaking about truth is that people perhaps can be inspired to think, hey, me too. If he can do it, maybe I can too.

That's what I know to be true, that you need to see it or experience it to believe it. And if you then believe it, maybe you act on it. And so, we think about the stories that we tell ourselves.

There's a quote by Lao Tzu, which talks about, you know, beware of your thoughts, because your thoughts become your beliefs, your beliefs become your words, words lead to actions, actions become behaviors, and then actions become your character, and then ultimately your destiny. And so, I think we need to start with ourselves, and we need to demonstrate, model these behaviors for others before you can create an open and inclusive culture wherever you are. So, that's what I know to be true.

You need to see it to believe it. And then the second thing is that there will be people who will not, do not want to do this. But what I do know is that if they are witness to it, it may not happen then, but you plant a seed or you drop a pebble and a ripple will happen.

And so, some people will be at different stages of their journey of not only admitting their truth, but then speaking their truth. The other thing I know to be true is that you need to create the right space. And a lot of people talk about this concept of psychological safety, and, you know, a lot of people would just throw that around quite loosely.

Oh, yes, this is a psychologically safe space. Yes, but what does that actually mean? You know, you need to, you know, signpost people.

You need to lead by the language and the tone that you create, setting ground rules in how you conduct a space. You know, there are lots of layers in terms of creating a culture or a moment of psychological safety. So, I think that's very important.

And also, I think that people underestimate the power of just listening. That even if somebody is sharing, if I am sharing my uncomfortable truth, it's the people that are listening who may not say a word, you know. And I'm talking, I'm reaching out to the introverts and the shy people or the people who perhaps need a bit more courage or bravery in their life.

But if they see it and they listen, it really does plant a seed.

Roger

Oh, I love that. And I think that's part of the reason why I started this podcast, was the idea of getting inspired by other people who are demonstrating that vulnerability, that bravery, that heart to be able to step into spaces that are, that can be uncomfortable to be not only a voice for or take action to be in service of others, but ultimately to inspire more people to do that. And undoubtedly, you are inspiring others to do that.

You're inspiring me to do that.

Roger 

What did you believe early on about your superpower that you've come to learn is not true?

Lalith 

That not everybody will want to do it. You know, my assumption is if I demonstrate it, other people will follow and things will happen. But I think what I learned not to be true is that there will be people who will never do this, that they are so conditioned, so frightened, so afraid, so risk-averse, that they will never do it.

And I still believe that we all have the capacity as humans, homo sapiens, to change and adjust in order to adapt, thrive, and survive. But my truth was everybody can do this, but the truth is not everybody will do this. And that boils down to the importance of sharing your story on Uncomfortable Truths, because you may feel that you have been suffering alone with this Uncomfortable Truth.

When you do share your story with yourself, your immediate network that you trust, and perhaps a wider group, you will rapidly realize that there are other people who perhaps have been suffering the same Uncomfortable Truth as you. And that's what creates connection. And this may happen in scenarios where you least expect it.

I can speak about a similar time. I remember I was working in the ER, and there was a senior doctor and a very junior doctor, and I could see there was tension between them. Like, they just didn't get on.

They had very different personality types. They, you know, there was a passive aggressiveness in their interaction on the shop floor all the time. And when I did storytelling sessions where I got them to kind of share stories about pieces of music that were important to them, they both discovered they were Taylor Swift fans.

And after that discovery, their working relationship changed. And so I would just say, you know, I know this is not an Uncomfortable Truth. I know people may argue that being a Taylor Swift fan may be an Uncomfortable Truth.

But regardless of what it is, if you can find connection with somebody in whatever truth it is, it may change your working relationship. Interestingly, in the context of Uncomfortable Truths, you may find that when you share an Uncomfortable Truth, there will be, in the audience or in the network, there will be people who will deny it, that they will deny your lived experience, because it almost seems easier to pretend it didn't happen or not to admit that it happened. So one of the things to know that I would like to kind of caveat is that there will be deniers, you know, in the same vein as this is fake news.

And I think it's really important to be prepared that there will be people who may not accept the things that you are saying about your own lived experience.

Roger 

So sounds like you've had experience with this. What do you do? What do you tell yourself?

What practice do you do when you've had that experience of someone denying your truth?

Lalith 

I think it's, again, this is all part of the psychological safety and importance of how you run these spaces. When people resonate or respond to stories, all emotions and all everything is welcome. Because the whole point about this is that it should be open and inclusive.

And you I have had somebody say to a storyteller, I don't believe that happened. Not in this place where I work. I don't believe it.

You know, as a facilitator, I do have to say, we acknowledge that person's opinion and that person's belief that this doesn't happen. But in the same vein, we have to acknowledge that somebody who is sharing this story is in good faith speaking their truth. Of course, people may think that people are not speaking truth, that people are lying or exaggerating.

And actually, that relates to something that happened in my life. That actually, the older I got when I started to speak to my mother about my childhood abuse, the response I got from her was, it wasn't that bad. I don't think it happened that way.

You are exaggerating. And those are the type of phrases that I have. So again, this kind of level of denial can be quite overwhelming.

But it's important to acknowledge that you will have deniers. That is just part and parcel of it. But to make sure that we are not cancelling people, that we're not saying, you cannot say that.

We are saying that we must respect each other's opinion, respect each other's opportunity to express. But to make sure that we disagree well. We can agree to disagree, but to disagree well.

And so much about disagreeing well, particularly on controversial topics of diversity and inclusion, is to recognise that we may have areas of our knowledge that we just don't know about because we've not lived it. And so it can be easy to deny that didn't happen because you would never have lived it. I can give an example how I went with a friend from Wales, a man, white, in his 60s, silver hair, wearing a suit.

And we walked into a conference centre in the centre of London. And I was wearing, you know, a smart casual collared shirt. And as we walked through, he was allowed in, and I was stopped, even though we were clearly together.

And my friend just couldn't understand. He's like, what just happened there? I said, I got stopped because I is brown.

And he just didn't understand that this happened to somebody like me, because it never happened to him.

Roger 

Several things are coming up for me. And what you just shared, the first is, everyone's response to something is so much a reflection of them, and not of the thing they're responding to. So in the last story, you just shared that gentleman's experience and the shock is based in the fact that he's probably never seen that before.

And he might have heard about it, but since he hasn't seen it, like, yeah, okay, that's, you know, harder to believe until you actually see it. It also makes me think of something that my friend Asli Aker shared with me, this idea that no one owns a monopoly on the truth. And I think that's a really powerful thing, not only to remember, but I know I've been using that when I'm setting up team conversations, especially when we're trying to talk about something that's, you know, whether it's conflict or something that we disagree upon, or something that we're just trying to, like, better understand why something happened the way it did.

Sharing the two things that she shared with me, no one owns the monopoly on the truth. And two, at the end of this conversation, we all want to still be in relationship with one another. I think when I say those things, it just sets the tone for the conversation.

And it's a much different conversation than if we just jumped in feet first into that thing that we're in disagreement about.

Lalith 

There is this thing called epistemic humility, where we have to be aware of the limitations of our own area of knowledge, and that we need to understand that there may be other points of view, and that we can still have a relationship with people who disagree with us. The word that kind of came to mind when you just said what you just said is the word perspective. And perspective could be, in terms of the words that we hear, but can also be a visual perspective.

So I love, there was a picture of Prince William after he had the birth of one of his children leaving the hospital wing. And it was a side journalistic paparazzi shot of him, you know, to, like, all the photographers on the other side of the car. I'm sure you're nodding.

I'm sure you see that. And middle finger up. And then you had the same moment captured face on.

So to the one side, it looks like he's giving the middle finger. The other side, it's less threatening. And so it reminded me of a TED Talk, which one of my clients brought to my attention, called about the danger of a single story.

We need to have multiple stories on singular themes to kind of create a rounded view. And again, this is why I talk about epistemic humility. The more stories we hear on a single theme, the wider our bandwidth and our understanding of lived experiences that are different from ours.

It actually widens our bandwidth. So if we just rely on the experience of a single person on a single event of a single time, you know, it's easy to be washed with that. But have multiple stories.

So again, the danger of a single story is something to be well aware of.

Roger 

So what's next for you and your superpower of being unashamed in creating the space for helping people to speak their truth?

Lalith 

What's next for me is I just want to grow. I want to grow in terms of my reach of people. I want people to be inspired and to tap into their own stories.

Again, when I think about the different categories, I work with businesses, I work with individuals, I do funerals. You know, even when I think about funerals, I want people to think, let's not think about somebody who has died as everything but as saintly. You know, nobody was a saint.

Everybody had their good sides and their bad sides. We all have redeeming qualities. We all have our foibles.

That is what is being human. I want to just continue the message of tapping into what it is to be human. And part of our role as an animal species of Homo sapien is that we are social animals.

And we have to create human connection, particularly in this time of great disconnect, whether it is political, ideological, religious, geographical, social distancing, hybrid working. We are disconnected in so many ways. And what we need to be focusing on, I feel, is the importance of human connection.

And there are so many ways we can connect with one another. And I think that, you know, speaking our truth, acknowledging our truth through stories can be a very powerful way to connect with us as human beings. So to extend my answer to the question about what's in the future, my previous career of being a doctor, I focused very much on physical and mental health.

And physical health is your body. Mental health is your mind. But social health, social health are our relationships, our connections with other humans.

And so I want to spend, you know, in terms of what the future, I spent the first half of my career focusing on physical and mental health. And of course, the three are not separate silos. You know, they are all interconnected.

And so I want to spend the next part of my career focusing on social health, the quality of our human relationships, and not only the quality, but the depth and quality of the connection in those ways. And those relationships could be work relationships, family relationships, relationships with ourselves, but importantly, our relationships with the planet. It frustrates me when people think that we, as humans, are almost separate from the animal kingdom.

We are the animal kingdom, you know, and we need to understand our biology and understand our evolutionary biology, that what distinguishes us from Homo erectus or the Neanderthals is sapio, wisdom, our ability to have complex language and abstract thought. And let us tap into that to connect us as humans. And I think as machines get better at becoming machines, you know, us humans need to be getting at being human.

Roger 

So Leileth, are you ready for the lightning round? It'll set you free. Might piss you off.

Okay. Fill in the blank. Being unashamed to create the space for people to tell the truth is undervalued, underestimated, but crucial.

Who in your life provides being unashamed for creating the space for people to tell their truth for you?

Lalith 

My chosen family. And chosen family is a very important concept to me. As you've heard, I have had a challenging relationship with my biological family.

And when I speak my truth, it is denied, ignored. And so my chosen family, and particularly those who grew up with me, not my biological, but my school friends, are so, so important to me. And of course, the older I got, you know, the friends I accumulated in university and school and in work are also important.

But the people who were there, who were witness to my truth, my uncomfortable truth, are very, very important. So the short answer is chosen family.

Roger 

Love that. Is there a practice or routine that helps you grow, nurture, or renew your ability to perform your superpower?

Lalith 

Actually, when I first started my business, I marketed myself as a well-being consultant. Because what I believe in is that actually tapping into your truth and sharing your story is a powerful modality to improve your emotional well-being. But of course, well-being, I think about the word well-being, is about being happy, healthy, and comfortable.

And so if I think about my own well-being, what makes me healthy is movement. And so, you know, I love doing yoga, I swim most days, and I walk, you know. So moving my body every day is something that's very important.

I need to tap into my soul. I love music. And so listening to music, also playing music.

So before this podcast, I was at my friend's house, who is a professional pianist, and we are doing Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite for Christmas as piano duets. So that was my kind of get into the zone before this podcast. So I've been playing Sugar Plum Fairy for the past number of hours.

So yeah, so playing and listening to music is another part of my well-being. And of course, human connection, being with friends, sharing food, sharing drinks, sharing stories, shared experiences, you know, that is like air and water for me. So yeah, human connection.

I take great pride in doing those things to look after my own well-being, which keeps me happy, healthy, and comfortable.

Roger 

Is there a book or movie that you recently read or watched that you would recommend that has been unashamed to create the space where people can speak their truth as a theme?

Lalith 

It's a Scarlett Johansson film with Channing Tatum, and it's Fly Me to the Moon. It was about the lunar landings in the 1960s. And there is a scene in there where the Scarlett Johansson character is, she's basically a PR person, a communications person who's spinning the stories around the landing.

And Channing Tatum being the kind of authentic person, but Dua kind of wearing his professional mask. And he says a line in it about, you know, people don't really want to hear, you know, there's no such thing as a bad, sad story. It's our sad stories that will change the world, that will make us want to make the world a better place.

I'm referencing that because it was that character's acknowledgment that, and his sad story was that he was involved in something went wrong, doing one of the test launches and some astronauts died. So that was his sad story. And so his sad story, he says, I want to reflect on this and learn from this and change the world that this doesn't happen again.

So that quote was about the importance of our sad stories. And it's often our uncomfortable truth are sad stories. But from sad stories, there's always a moral, there's always a lesson, there's always an acknowledgment of what that story meant.

Roger 

That makes me think of the Pixar movie Inside Out.

Lalith 

There you go.

Roger 

Where Joy, right, has to hold sadness at the same time for our well-being. Like you can't have just one without the other, the yin and the yang. What is one thing that gets in your way of you performing your superpower?

Lalith 

The uncomfortable truth is that as a business, as a solopreneur, it's money. I need to get people to pay to do this. And I'm not a charity, so I will only do it if I am paid.

This requires skill. There is a skill in empowering people, in helping people craft a story and holding those spaces. And people think that this is just kind of tree hugging, sitting around a tree and holding hands.

No, if you deliver a story with impact, requires craft, care, dedication, commitment. And so you need somebody to do that. So I would say finance would be the rate limiting step.

Roger 

If an audience member wanted to ask you a question or follow you, where would you point them to?

Lalith 

I would point them to my website. So my website is www.behindyourmask.co. And everyone asks me, is it .co.uk? Is it .com?

It is not. It is behindyourmask.co. People always say, is it behind a mask? Is it behind the mask?

No, it's behind your mask. So behindyourmask.co. And of course, on my website, there'll be links to my social media. I'm on LinkedIn, and I'm on Instagram.

Roger 

And it was LinkedIn. I think it might have actually been the post that you were talking about earlier, the picture of Prince Henry from the one perspective, looking like he was flipping off the crowd. I think that might have been the first time that you and I connected on LinkedIn.

So I love that you told that story and how it brought us together. Lalith, I want to thank you so much for taking the time to share your superpower with me and with us. It is inspirational, your story of coming to the realization that the truth will set you free.

And now you're helping others speak their uncomfortable truth as well. And for all the work that you've done to stand up for those who no one else would stand up for, that's inspiring and super, super lovely and wonderful for you to do. And I have learned so much through this conversation.

It's just been an absolute joy. And I won't comment on whether or not you're as attractive as George Clooney, but you are just as wise and charming. He's got nothing.

He can't hold a candle to you on your wisdom and charm. So thank you so much for bringing that today.

Lalith 

Thank you, Roger. I really appreciate this opportunity.

Roger 

Okay. Bye-bye. Thank you all for being in this conversation with us.

And thank you, Lalith, for being a courageous example of what it takes to heal oneself so that we can be in service of others. The question I'm asking myself now after the conversation is, what uncomfortable truth am I not speaking that is holding me from fully living into my authentic self? What Do You Know to Be True is a Three Blue Pens production, and I'm your host, Roger Kastner.

We are recording on the ancestral lands of the Duwamish and Suquamish people. To discover the ancestral lands of the Indigenous people whose land you may be on, go to native-lands.ca. Okay. Be well, my friends.

And as always, love you. Mean it.